Understanding Men

I have a lot of female friends who have significant others (SO) and who date often. I also have a lot of male friends who date often. When having conversations with my friends about their SO, they lament on how their relationship is going, especially when they have issues. The women often complain about how they don't understand why their man acts the way he does and the men are lost and confused from day 1 about their women lol. This post is going to focus on the men, especially WHY exactly men have issues when it comes to things like commitment via staying with one woman only, trusting, promiscuity, how they treat women and overall relationship type things. I have had numerous conversations with men and read several articles written by men, black men to be exact. I have come to a well known conclusion which is rather obvious but i wanted to write about it anyway. Maybe this post is serving as more of a way for me to understand and accept members of the opposite sex. With this understanding, i will know that some of their actions are simply programmed in their minds and will save me a bunch of future frustrations. They can't really help it.

[Most] Men are SIMPLE creatures. They want to eat, sleep, shit, have sex and make money to support those habits. Period. Simple. What i love about the "research" i did was that there was really no difference in answers to questions from one man to the other, which goes to show that they are ALL wired the same. Every single course of action a man takes is dictated by a previous experience. Let's talk about James as exhibit A. James had his first "real" girlfriend at 20, Jenay. She was really beautiful and he fell in love with her. Jenay was everything he had ever wanted in a woman and sometimes when they lay down at night and she was asleep, he would look at her and think to himself "DAMN. how did i end up with her?? I am really lucky"[yes, corny but work with me here]. He cared about her a whooooooooole lot. he was willing to do anything for her. Post honeymoon month, they were together about 4 months. Jenay was outgoing and so she had a lot of friends even before she met James. She began going out with her friends without James and because James trusted her, he was fine with her going out with her guy friends. After a while, Jenay began seeing james less and less. She would act suspiciously around him every time her phone rang. When James asked about her unusual behavior, she would pick a fight with him and so he decided not to ask about that stuff anymore. It came to a point where she would tell James not to call after 10pm because she was "asleep". James had had enough. His suspicions were keeping him up at night. He decided one day, he would show up to her home unannounced. He had imagined the worse but wasn't quite prepared for what he was going to see. Upon opening the door to her house, there lay his love in the arms of another. James, devastated, goes home to rationalize what he had done wrong or what had happened for Jenay to find comfort elsewhere. He calls Jenay for some kind of explanation but nothing she can say will take the pain away he feels in his heart. James thought she was the one. After that relationship he built a concrete wall around his heart. Hurt, disappointed and with permanent damage to his ego, he vows that NO WOMAN would ever make him feel the way Jenay did. EVER AGAIN. He promised himself Never Ever to fall in love because he doesn't want to ever feel the way Jenay made him feel. Never going to get burned again. From then on, he never fully committed to another woman. Never trusted any other woman, no matter how beautiful, sweet and kind she was. He always wanted to be a step ahead, knowing that he would never be hurt. He even started to sleep around with several women...making them empty promises and becoming the type of guy that all women say they don't want.

Women always complain about how they are no good men left. We don't sit down to think WHY there are no good men around. For every "bad" guy walking the face of this earth, there is one woman responsible for his actions. I'm not saying this applies to all guys but ask any man how or why they are uncomfortable with committing and would rather stay single if they really had the choice. 8 out of 10 times, you will hear a story about some woman who lied or cheated etc. We [women] do the damage. We make our men out to what they are then we turn around and complain about them. We are mostly to blame for why these simplistic creatures become what they are. Men never let go of the baggage which comes from their first heart break. It becomes implanted into their genetic code that all women will break their heart or harm them in some way. This is common knowledge but the problem is we women REFUSE to accept it. Being the caring and emotional creatures that we are, we tend to think we can change men and make them more willing to commit to us and give us what we want. Sometimes, we do succeed in changing their mind and proving to them that not all women are out to make them cry but this comes after long conversations and hard work. Even then, nothing is guaranteed. I curse at the women who are guilty ruining it for the rest of us good girls. We suffer the consequences of YOUR actions and it is annoying. Just a thought.

peace/love