The Title

In this life, many of us carry a plethora of titles like mother, Father, sister, cousin, best friend, sister-in-law, baby daddy, girlfriend...etc and the list goes on. The titles we carry let other people know who we are or give people an insight to out past. For example: "Yea, Tania's my baby's mama". As soon as this is said, the person hearing it automatically assumes that Tania and this person used to have some sort of relationship in the past which resulted in a child. Some people like to fill in the blanks to what that type of relationship is but at the end of the day, an assumption is still made. In the dating world, titles are a BIG DEAL..It's the deal breaker. Knowing what your role is in any relationship is essential to its success.

The human species is one that has a need to belong. Belonging, in a sense, is what makes life livable for our species. We must belong to a certain family, a job, a group of friends, an organization, a community, a school and all these other things to say we are alive. Try to think of a person who doesn't belong to atleast 3 of the things i just listed. Odds are, you can't. And if you can thing of said person, i am willing to bet that their life is a MESS. It is a simple fact that we NEED to belong to manifest the social skills which come along with being who we are.
I was thinking about this "title" thing the other day and realized how critical having a title is to us. Yea titles are great but as a society, SO much emphasis has been placed on having a title...any title that i wonder if it is REALLY that serious. This especially pertains to my generation and dating/relationships. Don't get me wrong, it is important to point at some guy and say "that's my father" or "She's my cousin" but in the dating world, titles carry a whole other meaning.

Let me give you a typical situation which happens more times in a day than you can say antidisestablishmentarianism:
Steve meets Lola at a summertime BBQ. Lola is there to see her friends and have a regular good time. Steve sees Lola and approaches her to strike up a conversation. She really isn't interested in Steve but after 30 mins of chatting, steve asks for her number and she says Sure, why not? Steve is really interested in Lola and starts calling her and taking her out and they are dating. Lola really likes steve and deep down, she knows she wouldn't mind actually being with steve and having a full on relationship. Steve has also been dropping hints that he feels the same way she feels. Now a friend of Steve invites steve to a dinner party and he thinks to invite lola. They get to the friend's house and of course, lola is the only face among steve's friends that is not recognized. They walk into the house and the following ensues

Friend: what's up mehn? thanks for the [bottle of wine]
Steve: No problem
Friend 2: yea it's about time you got her i'm kinda starving
Steve: we had a little traffic on 93 but we're here now so let the events begin

*Pause*...................................[LoLa is standing there the whole time].......................*pause*

After an awkward 30s pause
Steve: Hey guys, this is my friend Lola. Lola, this is friend and friend 2 and all the other black people in the room.
Lola: Hey, it's nice to meet you

At this point, Lola feels a little insulted because both her and steve know they are more than just friends but the introduction as just a friend is not quite right. Lola's mood changes for the rest of the night and steve wonders why she is acting different. The car ride back home after such an occurrence is usually interesting. Even in another situation where two adults are Friends but occasionally dabble in sexual activity is called to question when they are in a public place and introductions are necessary.
My question is, WHY are titles so serious when dating? WHY is it important to establish a title to realize that something is real? Most of the time, (or all of the time) titles are about the other person. The person on the outside because whether you like it or not, their opinion matters! That's why this title thing is so important. No matter how happy you are with your current situation, someone will question it and say something like "who is he to you"? I agree that sometimes a title is necessary to move a relationship forward because one person may be thinking "he/she the love of my life" while the other person is thinking "i'm just f*ckin until something better gets here". When other people question about the status of someone in your life, they want to know how valuable that person is to you and maybe that's the purpose of the title. Placing value on the people in our lives because afterall, being a husband is better than being a boyfriend and being girlfriend trumps being the friend. Even if you are happy with being less than the wifey or hubby, someone is always there to remind you that you of how your value or worth is diminished because you are not all the way at the top. But really, why so serious?

peace&love