Crushing

You know what? I forgot what it was like to have a crush on someone. Or maybe i never really knew what it felt like. My dating history has been kind of weird. I don't think I've really ever had a crush as an adult. I mean, I've seen people i find attractive but i don't consider those crushes. I usually meet a man who expresses his interest in me in some shape or form and then i think Hmm, let me get to know him a bit more and then it leads to me accepting to date them. or not.

 When people describe their crushes, they say things like feeling funny around this person or not being able to express themselves the way they normally would. I never really knew what that was like until very recently. I've been one to always express how i feel (lol), no matter how uncomfortable it might make the other person.

its funny how a single interaction or a single moment in time can totally change the way you think of someone. I chuckle when i think about how we met. I went to an event for a couple of days where he was also a guest in attendance. I felt ZERO attraction to this person. I didn't even give him a second look at all. I barely noticed him until somehow we were standing by the bar, having a full blown conversation about life and what we want out of it. And then all of a sudden, it was like a switch got turned on in my brain, where i began thinking of him in this new light. Like, Hey...you're kind of cute and you're kind of smart. okay. let's talk some more.
And just like that, you start to crave conversation with this person. you start to think about them a little more, you eagerly check your phone every time it goes off hoping it is them calling. and you find yourself being amused by their idiosyncracies, among other things. and you start to wonder if they think about you the way you think about them or if they get all tingly and excited at the mention of your name.

The best part about all of this is how giddy and teenage-like i feel. Whether or not he feels the same way doesn't really matter and maybe that's selfish but i don't want to put in any heavy expectations or make myself believe something is there when it is not. i don't want complex. i don't want drama and i don't want to make any life altering decisions...at least not yet lol. I just like what this is for now.

Yes i know that crushes are fleeting and it may only take one thing for it to be a deal breaker and for me to say No but until then, i like this. I enjoy the simplicity of how it feels and i will ride this wave until it settles!

x.o.