Random

The reason i write is because i am incapable of expressing how i accurately feel, verbally. Sometimes i think i have a communication impediment but that's another blog post in itself. It is easy for me to write out exactly what i feel. This is one of those moments where i cannot articulate what i am feeling so i am going to try and write it out. This might make sense to you if you read it, and it might not. Most likely not because i am talking to myself lol. I feel like i'm filled with words right now and they just need to come out so without much ado...

I want the truth.. yes, but do i really? Do i really want to hear what i don't want to hear? sometimes the truth really can't be handled. I'm not condoning lies at all. bring on the honesty. It is better to swallow the bitter truth and let it cause indigestion and heartburn than to eat sweet lies and end up with a stomach virus. The difference between the two is that heartburn and indigestion are temporary ailments. A stomach virus will have you out for at least a week.
You're really not good at sugarcoating and while i love this about you, sometimes i wish the words weren't so blunt. No woman wants to hear such a sentence but i'm glad i got to hear it. It's like a reality slap that hits you so hard, you lose your balance for a second. I should've known better. I KNOW better than to get involved like that. My mind is stuck in the same place it was a few months ago and i am hanging on and staying in that place. I like that place...it's sunny and has cute butterflies all over.(lol) I desperately wish your mindset was in that place too although i realize and understand that it probably will never revisit that place. I know why, i understand why but for some reason, my mind is stuck there and doesn't want to leave. I knew better than to get involved like that. It's proving rather difficult for me to leave it where it is. I know this too shall pass, i just wish it passed ASAP already because i don't like this one bit. I actually detest it. Hate it! but it is what it is. I feel like it happened so fast. I feel like it shouldn't deserve this much of my attention but for some reason i can't help it. What i really want is a selfish request and it really doesn't make any sense why i feel that way but again, that's life i guess. i really wish i could change you...change how you think. Although i love the person you are now, i wish i could tailor you to what i want you to be. Far-fetched, yes but it's all part of my selfish desire. I wish you weren't ruined. I wish you didn't decide that you were the only one that mattered but i understand why you had to make that decision. Most of all, i wish your mind was in that place along with mine. I have asked myself what would happen if everything was the way i wanted it to be. Would i be happy? I think it is all about satisfaction. Being satisfied that things are going your way. It's hard to swallow when things don't go your way but oh well...c'est la vie...

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